2025 begins
And then, it’s the new year. It’s now the year 2025. I drank whiskey, and then it’s time for the fireworks. Light rain fell down, while smoke rose up. We arrived at the relative’s house, and then, it was time for dinner. Lasagna, fried chicken, sushi rolls filled my disposable plate. In between were conversations, words from a story, and a game of Bingo.
And then, the holiday break was over and the children went back to school. They were in denial, even as school tasks piled up. And then, we were home from the gathering. A few days later, I woke up with a sore throat. With that, I started the year coughing and sneezing. And then, it’s two in the morning of the first day of the new year and we decided to head back to our place. We drove along stretches of roads devoid of cars, blurred halos from streetlights, and a smoggy atmosphere that obscured the buildings.
and then I thought about a word
Do you remember how bloggers picked their very own “one word” for the new year? My life, you see, is quite mundane. Wake up (with my partner) at half past five in the morning, prepare breakfast, snacks and lunch. As he drove the children to school, I’d run the washing machine, go to the market, fold previously washed clothes, prepare meals, hang the clothes to line-dry, and more. Every weekday.
I can only escape into books, live for a while as someone else, and find magic there in the stories. My wish is to find magic in the most ordinary everyday moments. I wanted my word to be Magic. Yet there’s not a smidge of magic in getting sick. And then… The palpitations started. The restlessness began. My heart was gripped in anxiety’s fingers.
that makes life less miserable in instances
Lately, I’ve been struggling with feelings of anxiety and feelings of being trapped. “Panic is the misuse of oxygen”, a line I read in the book Our Wives Under the Sea by Julia Armfield. Yes, I get panic attacks. It’s most probably related to my hyperthyroidism, which affects many body systems like cardiovascular, metabolic, neurological, etc.
One summer, we went to Batangas and rode a bangka or a small boat to a deeper part of the ocean to snorkel. We were wearing life vests, but for me, the one I was wearing somehow made me feel like I was going to tip over and go under water. I panicked and forgot how to dogpaddle. Thus, I climbed back aboard the boat. That experience inspired me to come up with this poem on anxiety.
Panic surrounds me like salty sea water.
Fear glides beneath me like fish solid or striped.
My boat sways and bobs without a rock to anchor.
'Cause of confusion, can't tell where's left, where's right.
My head's tipping, threatening to go under.
So scared my lungs will be filled with water I can't fight.
One thought floats in me: Now, get me out of here!
My feet need the shore to ground and stand upright.
Tether me to the mooring - God, rock, anchor.
Need Him to calm my heart, to fall asleep at night.
like a doctor’s visit
And then… As terrified as I am, I am going to have my thyroid gland removed soon. Nine days into the new year, I stood on deserted hallways outside the doctors’ offices. My heart raced like I was going to be wheeled into the operating room right then and there. But I needed to lose weight, take my medicines, get bloodwork done all before my next appointment, according to the thyroid doctor.
The surgeon, on the other hand, whipped out his phone and showed photos of his “works”. I felt faint and looked away, towards the wall opposite his desk. But, not before the image of an open neck seared itself on my brain. Yikes! 😱
or the rising cost of living
Many things in the world, if we focus on the problems, will scare the living daylights out of us. Make us feel paralyzed, even. For example, the wars, the rising cost of living, crime rates, health concerns, and many more. What can we do then, when we feel suffocated, helpless, anxious?
- Pray. Only God can change people’s hearts. Talk to the Lord. Jesus is our Healer, our Peace-bringer. Isaiah 26:3 says, “You keep him in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in you.” - Breathe. Deep breathing is a big, big help to combat panic attacks. It slows down the heart rate, lowers blood pressure, increases blood flow, and helps manages pain, etc.
- Be kind, help where we can. Ask for help, if you must.
- Fight for justice, promote advocacies.
Pray for me, please? For my soon-to-be surgery to go well. To not get panic attacks, that I would have a good distraction.
something to help me find beauty
A patch of grass and weeds with tiny wildflowers and tiny butterflies frolicking. A patch of blue sky with ultra white fluffy clouds between drab and grey concrete establishments. A cat or dog’s soft belly with streaks of curly fur in varying colors, and its round and tender paws. These are just some things that fill the cement jungle with magic.
How about you? How are you so far this 2025?
Leave a Reply