A big change is underway in my life now. A change that I dreaded, but is important to my husband. A change that I was not looking forward to, because it means stepping out of my comfort zone. A change that is forcing me to face one of my huge fears. A change that has me feeling a wee bit alone. A change that has me feeling dazed. A change that has me feeling uncomfortable.
This change brought to mind questions about myself.
Am I ready to take the wheel and conquer the streets of Manila? I get anxious just imagining it!
Was I not being supportive when I wondered why God allowed this change?
How will I tutor my “gradeschooler” on her Math subject? Math is my Waterloo!
These days, I feel a general unease. It doesn’t help that the children started school just last week and this week. An internal panic bubbles just below the edge, which comes with opening of classes. It seems that there’s something very important that I need to do, but haven’t. I discovered this just last year. It’s like the back-to-school blues.
The first day of my eldest in grade two passed by without a photo. The first day of my boy in kinder one passed by without a photo, too. I felt terrible.
Oh, and my baby girl started Nursery. Goodbye babyhood and toddlerhood. Hello, preschool! There’s a sentimental tug on my heart.
At least I documented her first day of school. Heehee!
changing my perspective on change
It’s as if I’m floating in mid-air, grasping at nothing, not sure when my feet will touch the ground. I am waiting for the finalization of our routine. Somehow, stress is building up and I feel tired recently. I certainly do not feel blissful at the moment.
But, if I don’t hold on to something, I’ll go crazy! Change could be so unnerving! Change could be miserable!
And I need to change my perspective.
Being blissful comes not from the lack of discomfort, but by intentionally experiencing blessedness. Holding my littler ones’ hands while going to their classrooms gives me bliss. Kissing my husband before he heads off to work and greeting him when he comes home gives me bliss. Seeing my younger kids feed themselves and dress themselves gives me bliss. Taking time to draw, write and blog gives me bliss.
I am holding on to God’s promises. He has always been my anchor. And I pray He will always be. I want to be blissful in God.
Joshua 23:14 (NIV)
14 Now I am about to go the way of all the earth. You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the Lord your God gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed.
To be blissful in God is to believe in His promises. The Lord’s promises never fail.
How do you cope with change?