It sometimes wears thin.
There are days it runs dry.
And when the spirit of patience has left me, my self-control snaps and I will say or do something I will regret later on. God, in His infinite patience and love, will remind me using scenarios like this:
Elle (to me): I sometimes don’t love you.
Me (heart pierced): Why?
Elle: Because you shout at me and get angry at me.
What a wake-up call! I am so blessed my children are resilient and always forgive me in my weakness, that I feel so unworthy to be their mom. But, this is my season, which I am embracing even when I feel like giving up (though I knew I couldn’t). Learning patience is my lesson, which I am imbibing over and over.
I am glad I found another mom with whom I can relate with. I want to practice patience using her inspiring posts. I need it more than ever with three little human beings to rear. I want to “deliberately focus on being more loving and practice a better way to respond to my children.”, to quote Jayme, the Optimommy.
To not get angry, to not react so quickly to what I’m feeling, and to think first before responding, take conscious efforts day by day. I really should be intentional about it, and about the way I should live my life. I always ask God for wisdom, as Proverbs 19:11 states that wisdom yields patience.
Once, my children were so small and I was patient in feeding them, bathing them, and changing their diapers. But, why does my patience diminish as they grow bigger? It should be the other way around as I cannot expect them to know better, yet. They are still growing and learning. I must always remember their baby scent, their soft skin, the way their eyes look at me innocently and the feel of their head on my shoulder that I love and adore.