Nope, this post is not about a trip to the grocery store.
In one of my posts, ABC’s of Improving Our Relationship With Our Children, Cymplified!, I said that I want zero chances of name-calling and putting negative labels on people.
I believe that when we describe someone, the adjectives we use reflect our perspective about that person. I think the way we talk about someone is subjective and that the words we use reveal our character, and not theirs. Do you agree?
In line with that, I am trying to learn to describe objects or people to my children as they are to the naked eye. I have read somewhere that when my child shows me her drawing for example of a rainbow, I must refrain from saying, “That’s good.” or “That’s nice!” and instead voice out observations and what you sincerely like about the drawing, like, “I see red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet. I like that the colors look so bright!”
When she’s misbehaving, I cringe when I carelessly utter words like “That’s bad!” or “You’re so kulit.” I am practising rewording my feelings into constructive ones like, “Your shobe (little sister) feels hurt when you grab the toy from her hands, ask her nicely and wait until she gives it to you.” That way, I’m pointing out to her the consequences of her actions and directing her towards the good behaviour.
I want to show Elle that although I do not accept the wrong deed, I still love her. There are times when I scold her, she would think that I don’t love her anymore. Negative labeling seems to reinforce that line of thought, that’s why I want to steer clear of that. I love her, that’s why I want her to eat her vegetables so she will stay healthy. I love her, that’s why I want her to play nicely so she will have good relationships to keep her happy. I love her, that’s why I ask her to stay near me when we go out so she will stay safe. (Yes, I understand why my mom always tells me to do this, to do that.) But, if she doesn’t follow right away, I refrain from telling her that she’s hard-headed or naughty.
Proverbs 3:12 (NIV)
12 because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
as a father the son he delights in.
I also teach her not to say and use words like stupid, idiot, bad, “kick your butt”, etc. which I regrettably hear from other kids, some cartoons and animated shows.
That’s just one of the many aspects of my parenting I am sharing with you. Speaking of labels, I cannot accurately label what kind of a mom I am or what specific style of parenting I am applying. Some that I know of are attachment parenting, natural parenting, positive parenting, tiger mom parenting (?), what else? I saw these parenting styles on about.com: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive and uninvolved. But are these “labels” important? Each child is unique and responds to different approaches. All I know is that as a mom, I need to constantly evolve with my children’s needs, to be a better mom and person each day as I serve as their role model.
Very true! I also read this somewhere that you instead explain or expound rather than saying a few words with judgment. You are in an interesting part of mommyhood, Cym, and you’ re succeeding. 🙂
Meikah Ybañez-Delid recently posted..DIY: Paper Bag to Gift Bag
Very interesting indeed! And also challenging. With God’s help, I hope I am doing the right things.
I’m concerned about the same thing. I try to choose my words when scolding my daughter. Sometimes I can’t help but say that’s bad just to emphasize that it’s not something she should do again. Although I follow it up with I love you that’s why I don’t want you to do that again. I try to explain that it’s the act and not her. Hopefully it sinks in. I think children, even preschoolers are more perceptive than we think.
Jellybelly recently posted..Learning Social Skills
I agree with you! We have to show them we love them but will correct the misbehavior itself.
Thanks for that reminder. I often find myself labeling my son’s behavior but am trying to be conscious of it! It’s hard but it’s more rewarding 🙂 And of course, much healthier for the boy.
toni recently posted..Keep toddlers occupied: The Sticker Book
I know, Toni! Us moms should really be watchful. 🙂