To the mom who thinks I am silently judging her:
I’m sorry if I am staring. I know it’s rude. I teach my kids that it’s rude to stare. Most moms do. You someday might, or you might already have.
I’m sorry for my furtive glances at your actions. I know you can feel my eyes on you when you feed your baby or wipe the sweat from his head. The expression on your face when you talk with your toddler. The smile that you give to your teenager.
You might think I am concluding what kind of mom you are just by your appearance or the way you dress.
I’m sorry for eavesdropping on your conversation. I know you can somehow feel my ear trained on you like a microphone. Or how my head tilts to catch the tone of your voice as you speak. To your preschooler or to your college kid.
I’m sorry if I did talk about you or your child to my companion at the moment.
It is not to judge you or come up with a label for you. I myself do not like to be labeled. I am not one thing, but many characteristics combined. You are, too.
I talked about you because as a mom to little ones, I have been in your shoes. I have walked several years on the same path. It is possible that as I looked at you, I was taken back by my memories to once upon a time.
I might seem staring, but most probably I am daydreaming. Remembering when my own kids were small. I miss their cuteness and how dependent they were of me. How my personal bag got lost in the huge diaper bag filled with bottles and diapers, among other things. When all the communication that my babies knew were crying or screaming during the times they were hungry, sleepy, hot, cold or have soiled diapers.
Then, they got bigger and I had to say goodbye to babyhood. Each milestone bittersweet, every memory poignant.
Or, I am envisioning my children as teenagers. How would I interact with them when the time comes? I might be gathering clues from you, o mom with older kids. They would be quite independent by then, I would imagine. They’d have their own plans with their friends, I would presume.
Consequently, they would become grown-ups. Would they handle work pressures well? Will they find fulfilment in the fields they will one day pursue?
Seeing you, I see myself as a mom who has grown, and is still growing with her kids. We might be in different seasons, but each season allows us to always learn – about ourselves, about our children, about life.
To the mom who feels judged:
I am a mom, like you.
Like you, I have wondered what others see when they look at me and my children. My appearance reflects my choices indeed. My children’s manners reflect my parenting.
These reflections show off how I am… to some extent.
Choosing to breastfeed shows how I wanted to save money on formula and bottles. My children used disposable diapers because it was the practical choice at the time, with three little ones four years old and below. They go to a traditional school since my husband and I opted for it.
Like me, you also will be questioned about your choices, will receive disapproving looks for how you raise your children. As if they know what’s really going on!
But, we are not here to please everyone. Sure, it would be wise to be open to advice, even unsolicited ones. They could probably be helpful.
Yet, our motherhood journey is all about our own family, our children and our lifestyle. It is ourselves and our little ones who will benefit the most from our decisions.
This is our ministry. Serving our family is serving the Lord.
23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, 24 since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
Mothers are like celebrities; they will always be talked about and be judged. And I don’t know why, but there are some people who are condescending, like they know better than the mom.
However, being judged is inevitable, I just try to ignore some comments. I am enough, knowing that what I do is best for my own children and knowing that God loves me.
God loves you. That’s the truth. It’s according to the Bible, God’s message to us.
God loves us just the way we are, but He loves us too much to leave us that way. – Adrian Rogers
So, we continually learn and learn to live for the Lord. That’s what matters.
Sincerely yours, from a mom who feels judged, too